16) They're never happy!

The young scallywags of today are never happy with what they have! In my day you we're happy if you got a bigger lump of coal than your friends at christmas, and we were content playing with our string and rocks but no these youngings. They aren't happy if they don't get a wee or a iPear for christmas!

You guys need to realise you are going to die alone so it doesn't matter you guy kids!

15) They are Black

All these young fellows you see them hanging round on street corners. Talking about "pooping a caption in a whores arse". This Black sense of humour has to stop! It is not jolly in the slightest!

If you don't I'll get Brenda next door on you! Oh that's right she's dead. Betwixt all the young ones in this world you killed her!

 R.I.P love you see you soon!

14) All Young, Dumb and Living off mum

All these young ones think they can't help the fake they are young! I say bollocks to that! If you had of been born earlier there would be no problem! You can't blame your birth date on your parents in the slightest!

and when it comes to be dumb why don't you just go into school once a year you then all wouldn't be a thick as 2 breeze blocks! Back in my day we used to go in at least once if not twice a year.

You lot need to get your self a job! In my day as soon as you dropped out of your mothers crevasse we would get to work down the coal mine! About time you lot do too! Don't give me that shit you're only 5 son you don't shit your self as much as me , so you need a get a job!

13) They created the recession

My grandson said that the recession is when people don't want talk to old people. He's so clever! But he did leave me. So I guess that he causes the recession!

All young ones are the same! Old Terry's granddaughter hasn't spoken to him in year! She is dead but that's not the point. The point is he would like to know she cares!

It's about time young ones gave us the respect we deserve and then there wouldn't be a recession!

12) They're all selling weeds

I was strolling along the other day and a rather odd looking chap said , "want some weed". Apart from his bad grammar, I thought it was a bit that he was trying to sell me some weeds ,when I have plenty in my garden.

He told me how much he sells the weeds for , so I asked him for his weeds. I the precoded to start selling some of this chaps weeds. I made £500 in 5 seconds. Then I asked a policeman whether he wanted some. He didn't! Not sure why but he arrested me.

The youths led me astray apparently (according to the policeman)! Bad youngings !

Next time I saw the chap I got Bill to beat him 2 sheets to the wind! HAHAHAHAH

11) All stealing face's of books!

They're all stealing faces of books! I saw it on the news the other day, they're stealing the books inditity .

No wonder Jesus isn't on my bible anymore!

10) They're all benefit frauds!

All these young ones are all benefit frauds! It sickens me to death! In my day you would only get a sixthpence per an annum, and was for being blind, death, dumb and dead!

These young ones need to learn how easy their lives our , or my mate Donny will be after them!!

9) They're all underage and pregnant

All theses teenagers going out to the disco techs and getting pregnant. In my day it was different, we didn't have sexual intercourse until we were at least 12. No one would have and no one would have a kid until they were at least in secondary school!

I Saw this documentary about this 12 year old boy who was obsessed with sex. It was absolutely horrible to watch. The filth they have on children's television today is dreadful!

Thinking about it ,it might have been socks he was obsessed with. But still there is some filth out there.  

8) They're all vegetarians

All these young scallywags are a vegetarians. In my day if you didn't eat your vegetables you would beaten black and blue , and probably starve to death. But not all these youngers (as they like to be called) just think it's hip and groovy no be a vegetarian. Youngsters you have big problems! All you vegetation going round eating your chicken and pork , why don't you go round eating carrots and lettuce?

It's not cool not to eat your vegetables! Just eat them! Or you'll be meeting my big friends DES and TROY!

EAT THEM VEGETABLES!

7) They're all theifs

Brenda (god rest her soul) next door put a pie out on the windowsill the other month to cool down , next thing she knew it was gone! The police told us that it was taken by the wind, but we know they had it.

So we put another pie on the window seal and stayed up past 7 o'clock to see whether they stole it. They didn't take it. But when we woke up it was gone. The only evidence was pie on Brenda's face! They must have taken the pie and then force feed it to Brenda there's no other explanation!

It's not like she was eating the pies and told me they were stolen just to be close to me! I'm not angry with who ever took the pies but I will give who ever took the pies a knuckle sandwich!

6) They are all doing drugs!

All the young scallywags of today are doing doing "the grass" and it's disgusting. In my day if you only did "the grass" you would be called a quire but now a days it's the worse than killing a chap. In my day people went to the doctors when they were ill and they would give you 60 grams of cocaine and you wouldn't come back. Not because it worked often people would die but at least they went out in style.

They should legalise "the grass" , there's nothing wrong with it! They don't do anything about parks being full of it but when someone mentions smokes some it's the major crime. Grow up world! And kids if you're going to do drugs don't be quires doing "the grass" at least do something good like that white stuff sugar or at least that's what my grandson tell me!

5) They gave me Cancer

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4) They are "alcoholics"!

You guys are drinking my ale! All these young scallywags I see on street corners, thinking they are fine and dandy as are able to drink one can of beer then are drunk. Then they all come up to me to tell me I am old, you cunts I'm not old! I am in my prime of my life!

All you lot think they are heavy weight drinkers and turning into alcoholics! I will change any teenager out there to a drinkathon. If you can not handle your brew don't drink! Leaves me and Jesus.

Anyway I'm off to see what goodies have been left in my pants. Bonjour!

3) They're too clever

In my day people had to work to be smart but theses days everyone one seem to be clever. They all seem to know how to use this mybook and twatter and no one teachers me how this shit works. Even my grandson wont teach me how to use this this 4chan it seem good from what Brenda told me about it (god reset her soul). But he reckons I would be shocked by stuff. I told him once you've been through 3 world wars nothing can shock you but he wouldn't let me go on it!

It's witch craft thats what it is! No other explanation! 

2) They are murders!

They killed Brenda next door, one day she was here,the next day she was gone. The police said she died of natural causes but I know they did it! She was something of a spring chicken she was only 97.

People don't just die! They must have broken into her house , made her a brew and put chicken inside it (Brenda couldn't stand chicken it made her bowels swell up). Then shot her with a Colt 45. There was no blood wounds but these youths are clever you see , they can use there phones to cover things up! 

I wont stop until I find out who is responsible for it!

1) They are all horizontally challenged

When I went to shops to get some Jack Daniels with Knucklesandwich my dog , I saw these whales. I thought it was rather perculiour as Cambridge isn't near the coast.  I went closer to them and thought they were drowning , so I sacrificed my Irish coffee for them lot. They didn't appreciate.  So I got my glasses out of my bag, and it turned out they were rather large chaps!

So I ran away as fast I could, I was like that lightning bolt who always seems to win those races. I do make myself laugh sometimes, they did deserve it though they shouldn't eat so many vegetables.

Hello world wide web

Hello people of the world wide web my name is Daniel Nicholas , I'm 79 years old and live in Cambridge. My grandson was teaching me how to use a personal computer, he has one of those fruit computers. But now he has left home and is travelling the world. The bastard has left me on my own! He didn't even fucking leave me any ready meals! He's such a disappointment!

So to pass my time I'm going to let the world wide web everything that is wrong with the youths of today. In my day we had a hard life, not like the fucking lazy shits of the world these days who wouldn't know what a hards work was if it bit them on the knockers.

I'm going to go urinate in my catheter and go to sleep , lets hope I wake up! Wait can someone tell me how to turn this computer off?