3) They're too clever

In my day people had to work to be smart but theses days everyone one seem to be clever. They all seem to know how to use this mybook and twatter and no one teachers me how this shit works. Even my grandson wont teach me how to use this this 4chan it seem good from what Brenda told me about it (god reset her soul). But he reckons I would be shocked by stuff. I told him once you've been through 3 world wars nothing can shock you but he wouldn't let me go on it!

It's witch craft thats what it is! No other explanation! 

2) They are murders!

They killed Brenda next door, one day she was here,the next day she was gone. The police said she died of natural causes but I know they did it! She was something of a spring chicken she was only 97.

People don't just die! They must have broken into her house , made her a brew and put chicken inside it (Brenda couldn't stand chicken it made her bowels swell up). Then shot her with a Colt 45. There was no blood wounds but these youths are clever you see , they can use there phones to cover things up! 

I wont stop until I find out who is responsible for it!

1) They are all horizontally challenged

When I went to shops to get some Jack Daniels with Knucklesandwich my dog , I saw these whales. I thought it was rather perculiour as Cambridge isn't near the coast.  I went closer to them and thought they were drowning , so I sacrificed my Irish coffee for them lot. They didn't appreciate.  So I got my glasses out of my bag, and it turned out they were rather large chaps!

So I ran away as fast I could, I was like that lightning bolt who always seems to win those races. I do make myself laugh sometimes, they did deserve it though they shouldn't eat so many vegetables.

Hello world wide web

Hello people of the world wide web my name is Daniel Nicholas , I'm 79 years old and live in Cambridge. My grandson was teaching me how to use a personal computer, he has one of those fruit computers. But now he has left home and is travelling the world. The bastard has left me on my own! He didn't even fucking leave me any ready meals! He's such a disappointment!

So to pass my time I'm going to let the world wide web everything that is wrong with the youths of today. In my day we had a hard life, not like the fucking lazy shits of the world these days who wouldn't know what a hards work was if it bit them on the knockers.

I'm going to go urinate in my catheter and go to sleep , lets hope I wake up! Wait can someone tell me how to turn this computer off?